I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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