Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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