Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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