Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
