How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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