may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
