Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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