An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
