Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just want nice things and good sex
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
