I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
