I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
