he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We're too hungover to prance.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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