I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
