Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
