There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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