Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
