Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
we're chasing vodka with high fives
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
