i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
