Well douche your snatch and let's go!
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
