im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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