I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
