It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
