pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
