i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
