You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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