idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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