I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
