im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
