If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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