Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
