my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
