Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Text me some of your sweat
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
