I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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