Rock
Scissors
Fuck
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Randomize
