so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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