I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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