I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
