You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
