She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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