The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i out mim tonsoeep
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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