maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
