Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
