do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Pants are for mortals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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