Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
