Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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