he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
