Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
