You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
