I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
