Need sex. Gaining weight.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
