Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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