Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
