u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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