I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
