I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
