Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
