The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
