It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
