Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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