we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize