You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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