walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
