I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
