Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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