dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
