Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You were trust falling into bushes
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
