i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
jump out the window naked night went bad
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