Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
