Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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