i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
