I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
