She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
