Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
