in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
