You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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