I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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