I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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