yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She announced her abortion via fbk
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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