i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
