my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
