I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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