Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
