mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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