its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
