the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
