Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
