i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
