i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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