you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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