We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I want to be your penis for a week.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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